Stone Kingdoms Read online

  For Alberta, again

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  A Note on the Author

  By the same Author

  Also available by David Park

  1

  Nadra says the rains will break soon. I say nothing but hope she is wrong, then wonder what the world will sound like when we finally fade into the renewed heat of summer. Since they brought me here, high in the mountains, far from the coast and the sea, the rain has been constantly in my head. Now the whole world narrows into the tightening vibrations of its sound, the electric cackle of its static. I touch the padded gauze which covers my eyes and listen to it clatter on the tin roof, rattle against the slats of the shutters the nurses close each night. Sometimes it rushes and gusts like a burst of temper, and then the gullies sluice and seep into a lisping babble of speech.

  Somewhere an overflowing gutter stutters, and I count the seconds between splashes until they coalesce into a continuous stream. Occasionally a cooler breeze sidles into the room like a pick-pocket, ruffles the net over the bed, then slips away again taking what it came for. From time to time the whirr of the fans goes dead and the air slumps heavy and motionless, but then Nadra comes and fans little eddies of coolness which drift against the raw pus of my face.

  I like the rain; there is a comfort in its presence, a reminder of a power beyond the human. Nadra says it is a gift from Allah and she sings a song from her childhood, but when she tries to explain the words they don’t make sense. She’s always close. I know the cool feel of her hands on my skin, her fingers teasing out the tats in my hair. My own hands lie muffled and swathed and her touch replaces my own. I know the whorled and toughened skin of her fingertips, the palms of her hands smooth as stone. They let her sleep on matting in the open-sided corridor which faces into the courtyard. I ask Basif if she can bring it into the room beside my bed but he refuses and says she would be in the way. Sometimes he likes to play the doctor, and I will not please him by arguing.

  I ask Nadra what Basif looks like and she giggles and goes coy as if I’m asking her something personal. She guesses he’s probably in his late thirties, is quite tall with thick black hair already flecked with grey. She whispers that his face is handsome and laughs again. I know he has long thin fingers, and when he examines me they play over my skin like a woman testing a table for dust. I know too that he smokes and has a taste for garlic. He was the doctor on duty when they brought me here and his was the first voice I heard. When he examines my face he tells me I shall be pretty again. It’s clear that prettiness in a woman is important to him, a prerequisite for a healthy future. He assumes it is what I want to hear. I listen to him flirt with the European nurses and know he is one of those men who believes he has a unique charm and so sprinkles it about like some holy incense, confident that those who inhale its scent will become devoted disciples. He believes it so surely that I have no heart to tell him I hear his words only as some far-off drip of water from a broken pipe, and anyway he would assure himself that my indifference is because of my injuries, because of what I have seen.

  Nadra tells me that the room is small, that mine is the only bed. The walls are painted a lime-green colour and opposite my bed is a poster of a smiling woman with her child below a slogan warning about Aids. She says the sun slants into the room through the louvred slats and throws a griddle of shadows across the bed and far wall, that the ceiling fan has white blades turned at the end like the propeller of a plane. The hospital has its own generator; at night I lie and listen to its hum until the rain returns and drowns it out.

  Piece by piece they have taken the shrapnel from my legs, and the pain lessens as the days pass. Basif has promised that in another week or so they will let me sit out in the courtyard for a short while. He says the sun will help my skin heal. I ask him about my eyes and he makes a joke and tells me everything is going to be all right. He says my eyes will be more beautiful than Sophia Loren’s; he says she has the most beautiful eyes in the world. But as he talks I hear only the silences between his words, the stepping stones of his evasion.

  A nurse dresses my burns twice a day. She tries to be gentle but it’s always painful when the bandages are prised away from the raw blisters of skin, and sometimes I can’t help crying out. Then Nadra comes and stands close, smoothes my hair and whispers in my ear. Once when the pain made me shout there was a hiss of words from her and an angry return from the nurse and I had to ask Nadra to wait outside. I try to ask the nurse about my eyes but she pretends she doesn’t understand. Basif says the bandages over my eyes mustn’t be disturbed for another week at least. There is another doctor – a Swiss specialist – who is due to fly in from the south and then there will be another examination. So for the meantime there is nothing to do but lie here and listen.

  Voices volleying across the courtyard; the slop and drip of the rain; the choking caw of some night bird; the faint far-off gurgling of water disappearing down the throat of a drain. The splash of wheels in puddles. Sometimes Nadra curls at the foot of the bed and sings the songs her mother has taught her. I try to find a tune in them but they ripple outwards like a stone dropped in water and never return to any recognizable melody. I think of my own mother. Sometimes as the drugs take their effect and I start the slow slide to sleep I hear other noises and want to cry out to frighten them away but the sounds die in my throat and I fall helpless into a deep rift of unconsciousness.

  I try not to worry about my eyes. The pain has eased and that in itself is a relief. Now I can tell the difference between night and day. Once when Basif examined them I felt the heat of the lamp on my face and I thought for a moment that I caught the light shining through the fine filament of his hair. Perhaps I only imagined it, but for a second it was as if he had a halo like an angel’s. I should have told him – it would have appealed to his sense of humour. Sometimes, not seeing doesn’t seem like the worst thing in the world. Sometimes it even seems like a release except that the absence of the physical world throws the mind back into memory, and then there is nothing to distract from the past.

  Most days, when he has finished his rounds, Basif comes and talks to me – he calls it my therapy. When they brought me here and started slowly to separate the rags of my clothes from the scorched patches of my skin he talked to me as he worked, as if he feared that silence would help me slip beyond his reach. When I told him I came from the North of Ireland he paused and said, ‘Ireland? Bang! Bang! Boom! Boom!’, then laughed at his joke the way I’ve heard him do so many times. He tells me he will make me beautiful again. Perhaps it is his eyes which are damaged – I tell him I was never beautiful and he tells me all women are beautiful. He talks all the time, his voice accompanied by the cold click of scissors, the dab and patting of sterile swabs. Sometimes he speaks in French to one of the nurses and then the words flow in a fluent stream and make me think of the ocean and as I scream I want only to drown in the coolness of its depths. A needle pierces my skin, somewhere a baby begins to cry, while hands gloved in plastic move over my body like termites over some rotting piece of scrub wood. Before I pass out I hear his voice praying over me, a lit
any of names: ‘U2, Jackie Charlton, Bono, Under a Blood Red Sky.’

  I want to tell him that I’m from the north, that Jackie Charlton is English, but he goes on with what suddenly sounds like his version of the last rites and before I can speak I fall into a shadowy well of nothingness.

  Now he sits on the edge of my bed and talks to me about himself. When he tells me he’s from the Lebanon I have to stop myself saying, ‘Bang! Bang! Boom! Boom!’ but there’s little chance of interrupting. Obviously, my therapy is to listen. He tells me of his father’s fine art export business, of the swimming pool, of the two racehorses they used to keep, of their holidays in Europe, how everything was lost. But soon his father will start again, rebuild the business, and when I ask him how, he explains it only by saying his father is a well-loved man and has contacts all over the Middle East. About a wheel that must turn. About fate. He tells me everything about himself except the one thing which might be of interest. Why he is here in Africa. It is a question which I do not ask because I have learnt already that it is rarely answered with the truth. The mutual embarrassment of a clumsily conceived response is to be avoided. It is also a question which must be thrown back on the asker.

  Of course, even now I like to believe my own lies. I had different ones for different people – my friends, the school, the agency, even myself. Polished, professional performances, bright with the sheen of sincerity. Once here it makes no difference, you fade into the woodwork. Every nation under the sun and every faith, the secular and the divine, establishing bridge-heads through which to funnel their particular brand of aid. And everywhere you go, the Irish. In the hospitals and transit camps, in the schools and field missions. Doctors, nurses, priests, engineers, teachers. A nation still of wild geese. As Basif’s voice drones on, I think of young men and women, driven by the old hunger, arriving in London and New York, clutching the names and addresses of those who have gone before. And, when distance and alcohol generate sentimentality, they talk of going home, but the dream fades into the morning light of a new day in a big city. I have no sentimentality, no dream of going home, and I am glad.

  Basif asks me about Ireland but I pretend I’m tired and avoid his questions. I grow weary of his voice; it flutters round my head like some waxen moth. I long for Nadra’s touch, the sound of rain. I turn my head away, then feel him lift himself off the bed and hear his footsteps fade as he goes to share his therapy with someone else. I beckon Nadra to come close and she lies on the bed and I feel the warmth of her body, smell the scent of her skin. I try to touch her but remember my muffled hands. She lifts and separates the caked strands of my hair, easing them out with her fingers. The only sounds are the light crinkle of my hair and the whirr of the ceiling fan.

  It is very beautiful to be loved. Before, I had only guessed at how beautiful. The fan stutters and starts again and I know now that there is no such thing as love in the abstract. There is only this – the giving and receiving of small tendernesses. The only light in the darkness. I think men do not understand about love – or I have not met any who do. Some women do not understand either, because they live in the shadow of men. Perhaps it is not the men’s fault, perhaps they are to be pitied, but I remember what I have seen and have no pity to give.

  Nadra sponges my hair and tries to untangle the matted mess, sometimes taking scissors and snipping out some unsaveable piece. I think my mother would cry if she saw my hair. Suddenly Nadra stops and moves away from the bed. A visitor has arrived. Charles Stanfield introduces himself and I wonder if his appearance has changed from the first time we met. He was the one who greeted our arrival, a small man in a white linen jacket, shirt and tie, carrying a briefcase full of American dollars for paying off the faction which controlled the airport. Technical services is what they call it in the accounts. His only concession to the climate was a Panama hat. He looked as if he were heading off to umpire a cricket match in the Home Counties.

  His voice at least remains how I remember it – plummy, superior, English. ‘How are you, Naomi?’

  I resist the temptation of a facetious reply. ‘I’m not too bad.’

  ‘Under the circumstances you’ve been quite lucky.’

  ‘Lucky, Mr Stanfield? Yes, I suppose in some ways I have.’

  ‘The doctor tells me the shrapnel wounds and burns will heal. I believe they’re bringing in a specialist to look at your eyes.’

  I hadn’t noticed it before; he has a slight wheeze in his chest, a little heaviness in his breathing. Perhaps the altitude does not agree with him, perhaps I never heard it before because I was listening too intently to his words.

  ‘They say he’s Swiss and will make my eyes as beautiful as Sophia Loren’s.’

  ‘The Agency will take care of everything, Naomi. You’re still our responsibility. Despite everything we’ll make all the necessary arrangements and when the hospital gives the all-clear we’ll get you flown home.’

  ‘Responsibility? You make me sound like a child. . . . But I suppose you think I am. An embarrassment anyway.’

  He hesitates, and for the first time I can smell the spicy cocktail of his sweat and after-shave. I offer him a seat but he prefers to stand. Perhaps he thinks I might contaminate him, infect him with some of my insanity.

  ‘I think you’ve been foolish Naomi, very foolish, but you’re still alive and that’s something to be grateful for. We’ve used our influence to keep the lid on this and the sooner we get you home the better. The Consul has been very helpful, agreed to make it a priority.’

  ‘And where is my home, Mr Stanfield?’

  ‘Ireland, of course, Naomi.’

  ‘And what if I don’t want to go back to Ireland?’

  I hear him clear his throat, the rustle of his clothes.

  ‘I think perhaps we should talk at another time. What has happened has been a great strain, greater perhaps than the doctors have realized. When you’re back with your family to look after you things will seem different.’

  ‘Nadra looks after me. Nadra is my family.’

  ‘Nadra?’

  It’s as if he hasn’t noticed her presence before. ‘This is Nadra,’ I say, as I gesture to her with my bandaged hand. He says nothing and I have to hope that his inherent good breeding has at least caused him to nod.

  ‘Do you get many like me, Mr Stanfield?’

  ‘Like you, Naomi?’

  ‘People who go off the rails, people who cause you embarrassment.’

  ‘Africa affects people in different ways. We try to eliminate the unsuitable with our vetting system, but someone occasionally slips through the net.’

  I feel him sit on the edge of the bed and know he is about to patronize me with some personal observation, bestow some pardon for my unsuitability.

  ‘It’s not easy here, and you’re young. Nothing can ever prepare someone for the type of things you’ve seen. Sometimes it’s just too much, and when that happens the only thing to do is get out.’

  I say nothing and into the silence comes the sound of a baby crying, a full-throated squall rising like a startled bird. He speaks about arrangements, about the right thing, but I have stopped listening. Eventually I feel him stand up again, the thin thread of wheezing lacing his breathing and making the ends of his words lapse into little puffs. He sounds like a man who has climbed too many flights of stairs. He is about to go. I picture him clutching his hat, fastening his briefcase.

  ‘We’ll talk again, Naomi, perhaps when you’re stronger. I am staying in the UN compound – I’ve left the number in the office and you can contact me there.’

  As he says goodbye and begins to leave I call out to him, ‘Mr Stanfield, I’ve never been stronger, never all my life.’ I hear the momentary confused halt to his steps and then the fading wheeze of his breathing.

  After he’s gone Nadra feeds me a milky soup of mashed banana. When I’ve had enough I turn my head away and tighten my lips but she clucks and I feel the metal spoon prising them open once again. It is useless to argue
and there is no respite until I hear the spoon scraping the sides of the dish and swallow the final soggy crumbs. She makes me drink the glucose mixture, rubbing the teat of the bottle across my bottom teeth until I suck, and when the feeding is finished I make her go to the kitchens to get some food for herself by telling her I want to sleep. I do not tell her the pain is coming back. I had assumed too soon that I was out of its grip. Perhaps the drugs have run their course. The burnt parts of my body slowly begin to tighten as little flurries of pain wash over me, gently at first and then in insistent surges until I want to clutch at my skin to stop the spreading fire. I try vainly to smother the flames that sear my flesh, but all I can do is squirm in the bed and try to stifle the screams. Then I can’t hold them any longer and there are running footsteps and voices all around the bed, a moist palm on my forehead, the scuff of a swab on my arm and the sharp prick of a needle. As it punctures my skin I’m crying but my eyes have no tears and even my throat feels dried up, like some dusty river bed. I want something to flow out of me but there is nothing there. Suddenly I am aware the rain has stopped and I don’t want it to stop. I never want it to stop. I try to cry but it is only words which come out of me. There are no tears.

  It is the ocean which I think of now, the memory I cling to more than any other. As I begin to spin into the slow spiral of unconsciousness I see it, feel it, remember it. Half-remember, half-dream it as I fall backwards beneath the azure shift of its surface, gasp again at the coloured clumps of coral – blue, red, fiery pink. Come, come with me as I hold out my hand to you. Swim among the shoals of fish which dart and disappear into its craggy shelter. The tiny tentacles of coral tremble and shiver as we swim by. Nebulous, filmy, fern-like branches jut out towards me and I touch the delicate tracery with my fingers. See a burst of almost transparent fish shoot past, each marked only by a thin filament of electric blue. All around us feathery pinnate branches fan the water as gaudy neon fish I do not know the name of appear and disappear amongst the staghorn coral. A cloud of yellow-tailed fish, their mouths smeared drunkenly with blue lipstick, puff across our path then turn in a collective quiver before pulsing away again. My whole body feels liquid, alive, more fluent than I have ever known it.